The Next Step.

As i sit here, editing the third draft of Silence & Noise i stop to think about the journey.  the things that got me to this place and the unknown that will follow.  the closer i get to the end of the draft the more excited i find myself getting.   the idea that all the hours and months poured into this story, all the years in my own life that have come alive thru Lily's story, all of it will soon be finished.  i can't wait for other people to read it, people who have been so important in my life and people i don't even know.  i can't help but think there might be something in Lily's story for everyone.  a piece we can cling on to and hold tight to.  there are so many moments as i write, i want to wrap my arms around Lily, comfort her and tell her there is a better place than where she is.  then i remind myself she is strong, and determined and no matter what she will survive herself.  i think everyone has that fight in them, i think sometimes we just forget it when things get hard.  we forget about our tenacity, our fire, our spirit.  even in our timidness, in our fear, we all have strength within us.  i'm thankful i will forever have Lily's story to remind me of that.

this post was inspired by this excerpt from Silence & Noise: one girl's journey into insanity 
"I found peace in my misery.  Some twisted peace.  The kind that doesn’t really exist."  

goodbyes.

I just finished editing a chapter in the novel about a goodbye.  It made me reflect on the goodbyes in my life.  The moments that i re-live in my mind.  The moments i have almost forgotten about.  Goodbyes can vary so much in emotion, from bitter-sweet, to complete sadness, and everything else in between.  There are the goodbye for now's and the final goodbye's.  And sometimes i know for myself, i don't even realize at the time when i am in those moments of finality.  Maybe it's not wanting to admit it to yourself at the time.  Not wanting to see the end of an era, the end of a relationship.  What is a goodbye that sticks out in your memory?  Do you wish you could go back in time and experience it again?

Memories.

Memories are complicated.  What really happened in contrast with the stories our minds create.  Silence and Noise: one girl's journey into insanity, touches on the path of a memory and what that instills in us.  I naturally focus on the negative.  My mind always goes back to the mistakes, to the slip-ups, to the moments i would do over if i could. And i wonder as i look back if those moments i have frozen in time, if they are as bad as i remember or if instead it's the re-living, obsessing, trying to fix and change that has made them into bigger disasters than they ever were.  What are your thoughts on memories?  What is your greatest memory, worst memory, most haunting memory?  Do we have the ability to unbiasedly remember our lives?  Do we create our own versions of the truth?

What's Your Story?

Mental health is often seen as a taboo topic, I hope Lily's story can help break down the walls. Please feel free to share your story, your journey, your thoughts on this topic.

The Beginning.

I started writing Silence & Noise in November of 2009. It has been both a tiring and exciting process. It has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember to write a novel. I completed the first draft in just under a month.  Lily's story spoke so strongly in me I couldn't keep up with how fast the words were coming out.  I am currently reaching the end of the 3rd draft.  My goal is to release the novel this fall and I am working hard to get it to the right place.  I feel a real connection to Lily's story, as I wrote it I reflected on my own life and journey as well as stories and experiences I have come to know.  This is not a memoir, but a fiction novel that deals with real things, real emotions, real fears.

Mental illness is still such a taboo topic.  This story follows Lily as she deals with feelings and emotions she doesn't understand.  There are so many people out there today who struggle with a mental illness, many go undiagnosed, many feel alone, like they have nowhere to turn.  Many simply become over-medicated and never actually deal with the root of the problem.  I hope Lily's story can help people find a home, help them to see they are not alone.  I hope her story can impact you as much as it has me.  Please check out excepts from the novel and stay tuned for more info on the release!